A tour is a sales presentation, and the best room is always the one you are shown first. Families who walk out with a clear picture usually arrive with written questions, take notes and come back a second time without an appointment. This checklist is organized so you can use it in assisted living, memory care and independent living, with extra questions for veterans and surviving spouses who expect to use VA pension with Aid & Attendance.
Bring a notebook and the veteran. Write answers down in the same order at each community so you can compare them side by side later. If your parent is able, let them ask some questions themselves; how staff respond to them tells you a lot.
Questions for Every Type of Community
- What is included in the monthly fee, and what is billed separately?
- How much have fees increased each year for the last three years?
- What notice do you give before a rate increase?
- What is the move-in or community fee, and is any of it refundable?
- What happens if my parent runs short of money later?
- Can we see the actual apartment, not only the model?
- May we join a meal and an activity before deciding?
Assisted Living: Care and Staffing
Assisted living is where the details of personal care matter most. See our overview of assisted living services and levels of care before you go, then ask:
- How is the initial assessment done, and how often is it updated?
- How many caregivers are on duty during the day and overnight?
- Who gives medications, and what training do they have?
- How do you handle a fall at 2 a.m.?
- At what point would a resident be asked to move to a higher level of care?
- Can we see your most recent state inspection report?
The assisted living section of our site covers what these communities generally offer veterans.
Memory Care: Safety and Daily Life
For a parent living with dementia, watch how residents spend the afternoon. Are they engaged, or seated in front of a television? Ask:
- How are doors secured, and how do you respond if someone tries to leave?
- What dementia training do caregivers receive, and how often is it refreshed?
- How do you handle agitation without relying on medication?
- Is there a secure outdoor space residents can use on their own?
- How do you communicate changes in behavior or health to the family?
If you are still deciding between settings, read memory care vs. assisted living and memory care vs. in-home dementia care. Our VA memory care section explains what veterans should expect.
Independent Living: Lifestyle and Future Needs
- Which services are included: meals, housekeeping, transportation?
- Can residents hire outside caregivers?
- Is assisted living or memory care available on the same campus?
- What is the policy if a resident’s health changes?
The independent living section for veterans has more background, and assisted living vs. independent living for veterans explains where the line usually falls.
Planning to Use VA Benefits for Care?
Patriot Angels can review eligibility for Aid & Attendance before you sign a residency agreement, so the budget is realistic from day one.
Call (844) 757-3047 or use our free consultation page.
Request a Free ConsultationQuestions That Matter for Veterans and Surviving Spouses
Aid & Attendance is paid to the veteran or surviving spouse, not to the community, and approval takes time. Ask the community:
- Do you have other residents receiving VA pension with Aid & Attendance?
- Will you provide a signed care assessment and a statement of monthly charges for a VA claim?
- Do you break out the care portion of the bill from room and board?
- Will you hold a room while a claim is pending, and on what terms?
Those documents matter because qualifying care costs can reduce countable income for VA purposes. Our Aid & Attendance fact sheet and article on how long a claim takes help set expectations.
Red Flags During a Tour
- Strong odors, call lights left blinking, or residents waiting a long time for help
- Staff who avoid eye contact with residents or speak about them as if they are not there
- Pressure to sign the same day for a “special rate”
- Vague answers about staffing numbers or inspection results
- A contract you are not allowed to take home and read
After the Tour
Visit again at a different time of day, ideally during a meal or a shift change. Talk with a resident or family member you meet in the lobby. Read the residency agreement at home before signing. If your parent has not yet agreed to move, start with our guide on talking to a veteran parent about senior living.
Patriot Angels has helped veterans and surviving spouses with the Aid & Attendance process since 2012. Call (844) 757-3047 for a free benefits review.
This checklist is general information and not legal or financial advice. Review every contract carefully.
If you or a loved one served our country, let us help you secure the benefits you’ve earned.
Start YourJourney Today
Frequently Asked Questions
How many communities should we tour?
Most families do well touring three to four, then returning to the top two at a different time of day.
Should my parent come on the tour?
Yes, if possible. Their comfort and how staff treat them are both important.
Will the community bill the VA directly?
No. Aid & Attendance is paid to the veteran or surviving spouse, who then pays the community.
What documents should a community provide for a VA claim?
Usually a care assessment and a statement of monthly charges showing the care provided and the cost.
Can we ask to see inspection reports?
Yes. Licensed assisted living and memory care communities are inspected by the state, and you can ask for recent results.
Are the same questions useful for memory care?
Most are, plus questions about secure doors, dementia training and how staff respond to agitation.
